le footy

So, after much thought and deliberation, and years spent unable to join cool conversations, I have decided to man up and start supporting association football. Which is quite a move, because I am severely disadvantaged due to several reasons:
1. I don't watch/possess a TV
2. I don't have unlimited/mobile access internet
3. I really really suck at footy. But that's just me.

But it's really nice, because all I needed to do was a bit of internet snooping and I was able to engage in intellectual conversation regarding the latest log standings, despite not really understanding how okes qualify into the Champions League.

So, which team? There are two obvious choices for me, teams which I used to be a huge fan of, I mean back in the day when I played Fifa '99. I remember back in the day when Man United won everything, Aston Villa lost everything, and no-one was any wiser. This time around, Villa wasn't a real choice because they're pretty much about to get relegated, read: sucky players which you can't actually tune. United have just turned into absolute stuck-up glory hogs, but when (a) Rooney retires/gets fired/gets transferred and (b) Ferguson dies, then I will support United again.

For now, it's Newcastle. And obviously my footy trivia isn't up to scratch yet...

(After fencing soccer one day)
...
Me: "Well, I support Newcastle now. I'm into soccer!"
Alex: "Oh really? Hey Rob, Sam is now into soccer... Name 5 Newcastle players, then!"
Me: "ummmm... "
Alex: "Okay, just three."
Me: "Well, there's that Demba oke"
Alex: "Yeah."
Me: "Papiss Cissé" [those two guys are Senegalese strikers who have both scored reeediculous show goals]
Alex: "Wow."
Me: "ummmmmmm...."
Alex: "Come on Sam, one more!"
Me: "... Alan Shearer?"

There's a reason it says "Legend". Hint: It's a term often used with wine and cheese

At this, massive canning ensued. Turns out Shearer, while he did indeed play for Newcastle, had retired in 2006, and in terms of our soccer standards, we might as well be referring to (Sir) Bobby Charlton.

Yes, the goal-keeper is actually wearing leather blacksmith's gloves. And "goal-keeper" is punctuated that way because welcome to 1937

And now my no 1 topic of conversation is how Newcastle still have a chance at making the Champions League even though there is literally one match left until the end of the season. What a convenient job of timing. HENDERSOOOOOONNNNNN!!!!!