[All you player-haters who thought the post title implied that I'm hating on life, you've never been more wrong! In fact, that's just the title of my latest short story, which I'm going to hand in on Wednesday. The problem is, that's an ass title. So I need a better title. Comment with a title suggestion (or just to tell me how ass my story is), and you could wing away with something sexy, courtesy of me! I'm smart! Title contest begins neyow, so submit, you crazy haters!]
[Okay, seriously now, it's supposed to be a moderately serious piece of writing, using previously-successful cocky love madstyle paragraph dialogues. For inspiration, I'd like to thank every girl I've ever liked... If you're good, you'll recognize yourself! Or maybe my writing's just insane! Either way, shut up and read!]
I remember when she came back, and in an instant, I was transported into a past with the same surroundings and the same snow on the ground and me and her. Those days that had already passed a long time ago seemed so real again, and not just a fuzzy memory anymore. She was coming up the drive with the same hurried gait she’d always had, and I was standing there waiting for her with that same lopsided gaze I’d always had. We weren’t young and foolish anymore, but by God did it seem like it again.
She snatched off her hat, swung her long hair back, looked me straight in the eye with infinite confidence, and greeted me with an offhand, “hey”. I think there was a long pause then. I couldn’t quite place my finger on why she was actually here, and what she expected of me, but I was sure that would be explained eventually. But for now, I didn’t really know what to say. I opened my mouth and then, thinking better of it, closed it again, and then the strangest thing happened: her unyielding resolve and confidence ebbed away, the smile vanished from her face, and it dawned on her what this must have looked like from my perspective.
Her face and hands moved very agitatedly, and she rushed to explain herself as though her life depended on it.
“Look, I know this is going to be totally random and you’re probably wanting to know why exactly I’m here, and actually I was just passing through and I remembered that you still lived here and I actually just wanted to stop by and see if you… I mean, that is, if you still even want to talk to me at all… I mean, I know what I did was…”
“Relax.” I paused, and (thankfully) she took a deep breath and steadied herself. “That’s nice of you, actually. We haven’t seen each other in a long time. It’s okay, come on in!” I opened the door and beckoned inside. She hovered for a second, and then strode in, half-trying to regain her usually-arrogant posture.
I offered her a seat next to the fireplace.
“Do you want anything to drink? I’ve got tea, coffee, hot chocolate…”
She stared into the wall, still probably embarrassed by her sudden appearance. “Anything’s good. Whatever you’re having.”
“Okay, tea it is.” I headed off to the kitchen, acting completely polite and indifferent. Deep down inside, of course, I knew there was a more intricate plot afoot. Why else would she have been so emotional in her initial reaction, and so cold now that she was in the house? Well, not unless she… no. There was no way, not after that fateful day. But I dearly wished it were so…what if it was?
So began the idle chatter. God, I could never stand it, I needed to get to the root of the problem!
“I was actually on my way back from my mother’s new house. I don’t think you ever visited it, it’s out by the East Ridge.” Her hands were clasped tightly together on her lap, the tea on the table in between us.
“Oh, okay. Nice place?”
“Yes, it’s very… cozy. Small but, you know, home’s where the heart is!” she laughed nervously. I smiled in return. I hadn’t seen her this tense, ever, since…
We were sitting in the car, looking out over the lake at the boats. She wasn’t her usual self, sick and tired. Any comfort I tried to give her got thrown off every time. It seemed like not only did she not want to talk to the world, but these days more and more I wasn’t separated from everyone else in her life. I knew there was a spark of the old somewhere inside her, but no matter how much I wanted to get it out, she stopped me every time. The day was cold and gloomy even though it was sunny outside. I wanted the real her back so badly that my heart would burst.
“I’m doing pretty well, thanks. Yeah, still in dramatic arts, but it’s my last year.”
“Well, good luck! Any plans for later?” I felt the tension in the room easing off slowly, thank God. She became more and more like the girl I’d known.
“Not really, you know… I’ll take it as it comes” she smiled a bit there, probably wondering about all the surprises that awaited her.
“Yeah, that’s a good way of thinking about it, I guess.” I could never do that; be all spontaneous. Which is why I still lived in the same house, with the same life plan, and even in relationships I kept sure and steady for longer than average. She was always the exact opposite, the spark of life…
We’d only known each other for a year, and already we were best friends. She was going through a period of “wanting to be a boy”, hanging out with the skaters and rockers. And instead of trying to chat them up as most girls would, she became like them and learned their ways. She could pull moves on a board that the rest of us twelve-year-olds held in godly reverence. I wasn’t a skater, or a rocker, but she grabbed me by the ear and pulled me into this wild world, slamming me onto a board no matter how many times I fell off, and patiently teaching me the guitar with slightly more success. I don’t know whether she realized I was eternally grateful to her for my transformation from the social outcast I used to be. I wanted to that again, even if there was no way I could possibly tell her in this awkward setting.
“Funny thing, you know, I’ve still got my old guitar. Remember, the one you bought for me?”
The one you bought for me the day after I asked you out?
“Yeah, I visit once or twice. A lot of memories.”
I went behind the youth center where we decided together we were never going to smoke again.
“Yeah, the beach? Mother likes to go there sometimes…”
Every week I go to the rocks where it was just us in the middle of the night.
“It’s been ages since I last saw you…”
I last saw you over that sink with a knife, tears streaming down your red face. I took you in my arms and kissed you gently, and then after I walked you home, you broke my heart. And I’ve always wanted to know why.
“But I mean, you’re doing… okay, right? I mean, you’re not still…” I looked down, afraid to say it.
To my surprise, she laughed quietly. “I’m fine these days, I guess. I mean, I’ve got a life again… the job helps, it means I can be independent. And it’s working out well.”
Thank God. What if I tried, now? She always told me that the only things I would ever regret are the ones I didn’t do. All of a sudden, I knew what I wanted, and I knew that I wasn’t going to let fear stand in my way…
I breathed deeply, opened my mouth, ready to speak the words that would change my life forever. Only I didn’t manage to, because as usual, she got there first.
“Hey, Pizza Pizza? Now? On me?” And out the door she went!
She looked back at me, the eternal smile plastered on her face. I looked into her deep blue eyes, and we walked out laughing. We were young and in love all over again, and it was only going to get better.
